my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
