Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
