What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
