I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
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the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
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Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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