My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
