I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
