ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
