i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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