Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
