ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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