Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
