This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I want her autograph on my taint
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
