No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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