Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
