READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
