dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Everything about him screamed your future.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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