He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
