You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
