Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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