all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
