You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
