so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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