she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
