apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
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One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
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I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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