Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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