I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize