I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure