she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
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I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
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Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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