i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.