Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night