i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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