The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
