dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Barsexuality is the new black.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
