girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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