Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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