Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
