dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
