I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
