I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
