Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
