how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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