I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
