DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
