i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
