i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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