I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
