Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
