I hate all girls vehemently.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
