I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
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That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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