if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
