When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
