I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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