meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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