is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
