I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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