so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
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We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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