I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
