guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
