im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice