I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
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He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
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Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE