why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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