I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.