im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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