He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
