No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
