are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize