if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.