I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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