Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
