OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
