I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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