those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
