i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
