dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
