Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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