I'm lost and stupid without you.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
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