New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
