Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
