yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
