She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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